137 Days to Go

I'm glad today is over.  It wasn't a bad day at work, nor was it freezing cold out.  I have really slacked on getting my diet on track.  I hate the word "diet" instead I rather look at it as "cutting back because you do not need all that crap."  The past few days at work while on break, I so wanted the new cookie from Subway.  It is raspberry cheesecake, or something like that.  It is sooo good.  But always in the back of my mind, I think of how many calories there are.  220 for one cookie, yikes!

For some who know me, you knew I suffered from an eating disorder in 8th grade.  Long story short, I ate a mare 400 calories a day.  Did I lose weigh fast?  Yes.  Did I feel good about myself at the moment?  Yes.  Was it the right thing to do?  No.  Did it affect me later in life from it?  Yes.  I try not to count calories anymore.  But that couple months in 8th grade haunt me. 

I am scared, I will admit it.  I am scared of not eating and hurting my body even more.  Worse of all, I am scared of failing.  I've failed over and over again.  More times than anyone will ever know; afterall I started dieting in the 3rd grade.  I always say enough is enough, but when is it really?

This week I am off for a couple of days.  I plan on heading to the gym and "get my fitness on."  I seriously cannot wait for spring to get here.  I have our housing edition marked out a path of 4.3 miles in which I walk.  I take my time, but I absolutely love it, and it surely doesn't feel like more than a mile or so.

I was talking with Anita, a woman at work, about how this change is possible.  She is the one who believes in me the most and knows I can do this.  She also said I would be looking like Jillian in no time.   :o)  Of course I have work ahead of me, but I know I can do it. So here is my inspiration today: